“Light us up and then throw us down
Walk away when we hit the ground
How’s it gonna feel when you come back around here and see
It’s just you and your cigarettes
Always there every time you need me
It ain’t love, it’s just like nicotine
You’re addicted to a feeling you can only get
From Me & Your Cigarettes“
ME & YOUR CIGARETTES – MIRANDA LAMBERT: REVOLUTION
I believe that there are two types of people in this world: The Manipulated and the Manipulator or The Giver & The Taker. Each of us falls into both categories because we are human and naturally take and willingly give. But there are those among us that tip the scale and weigh heavier upon a particular side.
I can honestly say that I have been weighed down on one side or the other at different points in my lifetime; everyone has. I’ve been trying to be better and keep the balance of both. I think the giving and serving others is a great way to build up ones own self. I also am just as firm in believing that taking or receiving is just as healthy and can have the same affect if accepting the right things. An example is accepting a compliment that is given by saying “Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say!” vs. the usual and immediate “I look like garbage, what are you talking about?” It is however the exact opposite when you Give out all of the wrong signals, speak words with no truth in them, and pretend to be someone you’re not. Same goes for Taking, you can become a door mat if the wrong behavior is accepted over a great length of time, you are constantly being defeated by words aimed your way that are harsh and derogatory. You’ll lose all sense of self in a quick hurry that way.
The Manipulator / Taker
For this side I’m going to use my sister and her situation as an example. She has been seeing this guy off and on for 4 years. They went to high school together and didn’t ever start talking or hanging out until after they were out of high school. She naturally grew to have a lot of feelings for him as they continued to talk and spend time with each other. She professed her feelings one day only to be heart broken and let down when he said he didn’t feel the same. Having a hard time accepting this fact, they still continued to communicate with one another. Still having harbored feelings for she found it hard to resist any time he asked to spend time together, he would still ask for favors and whatever else he could think of. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to make the feelings she had developed go away, she figured she’d give it another go and expressed them once more, only to be let down the same as before. This same scenario has happened repeatedly over a their 4 year “relationship.” She recently voiced her care for him yet again and got the same, if not worse of a response this time around. I told her that it will never be different. He just wants you around when he’s bored or no one else will give him the time of day. He’s a loser and a user and you don’t need to be taken advantage of like that. You have to much to offer someone and you should only be offering yourself up to people who are worthy enough to receive it. Not some prick bag ass hole like him! He is nothing and will never be anything worth valuing if he can’t see what he’s got right in front of his stupid face.
The guy that my sister was yearning so hard for was someone who was intentionally Taking anything he could get from my sister but was never willing to take what she was offering. He was particular in that he would take from her, financial favors, weekend excursions out of town when he had no one else to go with him. All while leaving her self conscious, broken-hearted with nothing more than a plethora of self loathing thoughts because she could never figure out why she wasn’t “good enough.” She was always there and more that available to him anytime he wanted or needed anything but was never the same way back. If she ever tried to initiate hanging out, a weekend trip, or something dumb like seeing a move it was always a “No, I’m busy.” But that ass hole had the audacity to have her help him wire money to another country for a vacation he was taking… but conveniently left out the part where he was taking another girl on this same trip. Once she found this out it was too late to pull the money back. If it were me and I found that out in enough time, I would have sent his money to Russia and said “OHHHH Woopsy! My bad, guess that will teach you to fuck me over when I have control over of all your precious money you slimey bastard. Hope you have a great time in Peru eating cat guts because you can’t afford to eat anything else! I also hope that you get unbelievably ill from some parasitic viral infection they haven’t yet found a cure for! Bye Bitch! (*hair flip*)“
People aren’t toys that you can just bend and break when you don’t have anything else left to play with. They are real, and they have feelings, goals, ambitions, dreams and needs. You can’t just keep them around because it’s convenient for you and your life. If they want to be in your life, you’ll know it. If they don’t, you’ll know it. Whether or not you choose to accept that is up to you, but at the end of the day you know who the people in your life are that will be there for you when it truly matters. Don’t force them to stick around because you can’t find anything else better to do with your time. Don’t give people false hope, that you’ll one day love them, when you know you won’t. Don’t give people a false sense of purpose in your life. Don’t use people for your own personal benefit and give them nothing in return.
If you know in your heart of hearts that you are going to end up breaking someones heart, that you’re going to let them burn down to a small stub, be flicked out of your hand and end up walking away when they hit the ground, then there is only one term in this world to describe you and that is “Heartless!” There is so much respect that is to be given to those who are honest, and break it to people gently that they aren’t on the same page with their feelings. As hard as it to do, it must be done. You’ll cause far more damage to them by being deceiving and stringing them along like a rag-doll because you’re too afraid of how you’ll make them feel.
The Manipulated / Giver
I’ve been in the position before where a guy lead me to believe that our relationship was headed for heaven and that everything was going to be incredible after he got his shit together… if you’ve kept up reading my blog posts you’ll know what happened with that shit show… But my point of saying that is because being the one who was used, abused and left ‘like a crumpled up piece of paper lying on the floor’ was awful and I knew All To Well that I would end up like that. Yes… I stole that from Taylor Swift :). So I know full well what my sister is going through. She gives and gives and gives until she has nothing left… But she would be able to give more and more if the same action, care and love was being reciprocated. She could do into the eternities if it came to that.
When you find yourself in a “giving” situation I would deem it wise to be careful just how much you’re willing to give and especially to whom. Be careful with your time, your words, your money, and your heart…or whatever. Just be careful with all of it. What’s going to happen when you give up everything you have; job, friends, family to find out that in the end your greatest fear would be realized when they ‘drop you like it’s hot’ when things get rough? What’s going to happen when you find out there was always someone else in the picture and you were just a filler in the meantime and that he never loved you and were never going to? What’s going to happen when you’ve given everything you have to a pointless relationship to have to start from scratch when it all meant literally nothing? What’s going to happen when you finally meet up with someone that you love dearly and have built up so much in your mind only to find out they are the exact same person and you’ve wasted a year and a half of your life holding out for a ghost? These are things people would give up for someone and sometimes for the wrong person.
You are the one that gets to determine what happens next! You can choose to keep dealing with whatever it is, or you can change it. Those are the types of questions you need to ask yourself in whatever circumstances you find yourself in. Being giving and selfless are great things and I don’t mean to demean them as negative by any means, but there is definitely a line that can be easily crossed… And usually is!
Sometimes it’s so hard to get yourself out of a relationship or a friendship where you’ve felt like all you were was beaten down and lied to the entire time. I’ve had to do it. My sister has had to do it, and is going through it again now. I’m sure that everyone has been there at some point. You stay because you feel like there isn’t anything better out there. And that one day ‘Karma’ (which I do not believe in) will find it’s way back around to you and they’ll finally start giving back. But there is better out there and you’ll find it if you focus your attention on finding it rather than wasting it on someone who would vanish in a puff smoke if something or someone else “better” came along. My sister has had to deal with that since she was in junior high. I love her so unbelievably much and know she deserves so much better. I hope this is the last time she has to learn this lesson. 🙂 Sadly, it’s the kindest of the kind that get taken advantage of and for a great length of time.
She was addicted to a feeling she could only get from something that was horrible for her and unless she cuts it off cold turkey it will only continue to damage her. If you are reading this, you know what in your life you could cut out that is damaging you inside. Only you can know exactly what is that is killing you, filling your body full of toxins and tar and bringing you down. If you feel like you’ve been used and that person only had you around for their convenience then you should never again associate with them. That’s ALL they’ll ever see you as. A convenience and a door mat.
We all fall on both sides from time to time, Giver/Taker and neither side has to better than the other. They are both great in their own right. But as I explained above there is always a negative side for each. You can tip the scale and weigh heavier on one side or the other but just make sure that the weight that is being bared is a positive one.
It’s not right to use people and it’s also not right to manipulate them into thinking they need you. People shouldn’t take advantage of those who give all they have, and then some, only to be left with nothing. Don’t make them feel like they are nothing and worthless. Don’t be the type of person that accepts unhealthy relationships and abusive behavior in whatever form it comes in. It has a way of creeping up on you before you even know what’s happening.
“Always there every time you need me
It ain’t love, it’s just like nicotine”
Just like the feeling you get from smoking cigarettes, you get a useless calm that leaves you wanting more and more and more all while you’re slowly killing yourself. Think about it!
|H&M Leather Jacket, T-Shirt, Jeans, Boots||Hat (I found at this random store where you get you’re weave done! Don’t ask 🙂 ||
*PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT*
I do NOT smoke, I did it to drive home the message and for the art of it all!