“You’re the Northern Wind
Sending shivers down my spine
You’re like fallen leaves
In an autumn night
You’re the lullaby
That’s singing me to sleep
You are the other half
You’re like a missing piece
Oh my love
Oh my love
Oh my love
You don’t know
What you do to me”
NORTHERN WIND – CITY & COLOUR: LITTLE HELL
I wrote post called Waves a little while ago about a trip to San Jose I took with Whitney to see Beyoncé and I said in that post “This is part 1 of 2 posts having to do with the same topic. My sweet sweet Winnie the Pubes 🙂“
I wrote that a few months ago, so those who are reading this have probably forgotten. But… That being said…
This is Part 2
Oh boy…. where do I even begin with this? I don’t even really have words for this and to be honest. There really isn’t even a way music can describe how I feel about this specific topic if you can believe that coming from me. Music usually has the ability so say what I can’t exactly what I can’t. This song does an incredible job of that, but it just doesn’t come quite close enough. But I’m gonna try to put this into words as best as I possibly can… so here it goes!
About 11 year ago I was hanging out at my friend McKade’s house like I usually did in my spare time. It was the summer of 2005, I was 15 years old and McKade was 16 so that meant that he had already gotten his drivers license. It was the summer right before we went to High School and he had started chatting with a girl from the conjoining Jr. High school on MySpace. MySpace almost seems as old as a VHS tape does nowadays haha! Anyways, he was invited by this girl to come over to a pool party that she was attending at her friends house. He told me about it and so we decided to go over there. The house that the party was taking place at wasn’t far from where we lived so we drove there around lunch time. When we got out we went around back and opened the gate where there was a table full of about 8 or so people.. a few more in the pool, and few sitting next to the pool. McKade and I knew NO ONE there. We both felt like such idiots walking in because everyone was staring at us HARD! We were only from a different school, but we might as well have been from a different planet. McKade being the typical “straight guy” saw the girl he was talking with online and ditched me… SMH!
I felt even more stupid now that I was alone and just standing there awkwardly. Thankfully, someone at the table said “You can come sit by us, are you from South?” I walked timidly over to the table and sat down at the only empty chair next to this girl with dark hair, a gray t- shirt, jeans, and braces. I sat down and said the most retarded thing “Hi, are you guys all from Bell?” I’m so retarded… I literally already knew the answer to this question but I didn’t know what else to say and it just came out… I’m so stupid hahah.
We sat there and chatted about high school and who each other knew from the other schools for a little bit. As we chatted the girl next to me pulled out her phone and it caught my eye instantly and immediately drew me away from the conversation. Being very worldly and a lover of all things new and exciting, I asked out of nowhere while simultaneously snatching it right out of her hands “Oh….Can I see your phone? I want this so bad.” She had this Motorola flip phone with blue on the outside and the buttons looked so cool, and the screen was big and had all these cool games on it. She was extremely nice and let me play with it for a good while and then I gave it back. I felt so dumb after because I hadn’t even introduced myself to her until I man handled the devil out of her cell phone. I said to her “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to take that away from you so suddenly, I’m Lance by the way!” She replied back, in the sweetest voice, with “Oh it’s totally fine, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Whitney!”
I had NO idea at the time, but my life had just changed forever and “For Good!” Looking back now, it’s moments like that I wish so badly I had on video and could replay over and over again. You have no idea those small little life events are coming and they happen so quietly that you’d never pick up on it till years and years later when you look back. It was in that moment that I met my best friend and I didn’t even know it. The older I get, I notice that life is funny that way. That little trickster! 🙂
When we got to high school a few months later, I would pass her periodically in the halls and say “Hi”, but we weren’t really very chummy until our Junior year. We had the same math class that year and one night she called me randomly and said “Hey, I know this is random, but I left my book-bag in you friend Austin’s car. I was wondering if you could get that for me because I don’t know him very well and feel awkward calling him.” I told her I’d go get it for her and that after I got it she should come to my house and we could do our homework together.
She did just that and the rest was history! We were nearly inseparable from that night on for almost an entire year. We texted every second of the day until we went to sleep, we changed our school schedules around so that we could have as many classes together as possible. We were at each others house/apartment every day after school until curfew. It was just me and her in our own little world for almost an entire year. We went through a rough patch after that year because our friendship was at the point where things were either going to go further than friends or we were going to break apart. I was too afraid at this point (and also in a lot of denial) to tell anyone that I was gay, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her that I didn’t feel the same way about her as she did about me. So to avoid doing breaking her heart I decided to up and stop talking to her. In turn I did the very thing I was trying to avoid; breaking her heart. We didn’t talk for almost a month or so and I tired to apologize after but it was too late! Because we were together in every sense of the word our friendship was never the same after that. We didn’t hang out, we didn’t talk and spending time in a group setting was so uncomfortable for me that I just left the picture all together. Senior year was awful for me and I barely graduated because I never went to school because of it. Because we had a lot of the same friends we kept in touch after high school but it was still difficult to be around each other. It took almost 3 years for us to come back together as really good friends because we had grown so far apart after our Junior year and went separate ways for a great length of time after high school.
Once we gradually started spending more time together and talking on a more regular basis, things started to take shape again and we have now become just as close as we once were to each other in a much more healthy way. She is my best friend and I look to her for so much guidance, direction and strength. I will never in my life be able to repay her for the kindness, generosity and surprises she has shown me over the course of our friendship.
It’s crazy to me that we have seen, done and experienced so much together. We have traveled all over the place together countless times, from Seattle, to San Fransisco, Disneyland (8 million times haha), San Jose, LA, St. George, St. Louis, Indianapolis, a cruise to Mexico, San Diego (for like 4 hours haha), The Dominican Republic, Vegas, St. Croix (coming up). Nashville (which I’ll write about later) and so many more to come. She has taken it upon herself to make sure that things on my bucket list get kicked off! She has made it possible for me or pushed me (because it was expensive) to see some of my favorite artists in concert including and not limited to Lady Gaga, ♥ Kelly Clarkson ♥, Beyoncé, Josh Groban, Britney Spears, Carrie Underwood, Michal Bublé, Celine Dion, Sam Smith, Tori Kelly, Adele, the Dixie Chicks etc… We have Ariana Grande coming up in March woot woot and I really really regret not seeing Taylor Swift when she came for her Red and 1989 tours 🙁 !
We have laughed until we were literally crying in pain. Cried about the pain we feel until we had nothing left to give. Yelled and screamed at each other, sang at the top of our lungs to all of Taylor Swifts hits on every road trip. Discussed our pasts and futures, confessed our deepest of secrets and discussed each and every way we can both become better people.
There are days and times when I wonder just where I’d be without her. What I’d be doing or if I’d be happy at all if I hadn’t sat next to her at Jessica Cragun’s pool party. There are moments when I’m curious to know if I would have had the same opportunities to travel, to see and experience all the amazing things in the places we’ve been if it hadn’t been for her. I wonder if I’d be the same person I am today without her and I’ve come to conclusion that I don’t think that I would be a fraction of the person I am today if it wasn’t for her.
The titles of these posts (Waves & Northern Wind) that are dedicated to her were named conveniently and purposely after the elements of the earth. I named them that not only because the songs I chose were super perfect to accompany the topic and pictures, but because they are 2 of the essential elements in order to sustain life for all living creatures. Water and air! No human, plant or animal on earth can live or survive without them and I wouldn’t ever want to live my life without her in it. To me, she as vital as the air I breathe and the water I drink. She is everything you would want in a best friend and then some. She is incredibly intelligent, gorgeous, successful, kind, selfless, spontaneous, and selfless. She has helped me get Out Of The Woods and through some of the hardest and darkest times of my life, all while going through some incredibly difficult personal issues of her own. I’m as sure as the sunrise that I would be blown away by the Northern Wind without her strong and positive stance in my life. I’m just as sure as the sunset that I would be washed out with the Waves into a sea of nothingness without her holding me steadfast in the right place. I owe her a great deal of thanks and am in an endless amount of debt to her for everything she has done, and will continue to do, for me. She is such a warmth and light in times of bitter darkness for those she graces with her presence. I love her to the moon and back! I’m so unbelievably grateful for our “tiny little infinity” and I can’t wait to see what 2017 has in store for us! I just wish she was a man and I could have been married years ago! hahah
“Oh my love, you don’t know what you do to me”
I love you Whitney Josephine!
Thank you for being an amazing person, friend, and honorary family member 🙂
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