“Have you been feeling that pull?
And are you hearing that call?
‘Cause you’ve got everything that you need to make a start
Just walking out of my home
And going I don’t know where to sing beneath the stars
It’s just around the bend
So when the sun is coming up and you go
And there’s still so many things you don’t know
Don’t you look back, I’ve no doubt that I
Will see you On The Road
Why don’t you let me carry your load?
When things get bad you know you have a friend
All along the road
Sometimes a dream itself can keep you safe
All along the road”
There comes a time in life when things are beyond to hard to bare and you try your ever loving best to cope with the blows that come your way. At the beginning of the month I lost my job, and it wasn’t something I expected nor saw coming at all, and it’s been hard to find something that I like to replace it, and that part of it has been really getting to me and making me really question everything about myself. When you begin to break from all the bending life forces your to do it’s time to just get out.
So… That’s what I did.
I was informed by my fellow traveling colleagues that a trip to Seattle was in the works and that my presence was being requested/demanded. I wasn’t to keen on the idea of a trip when one has next to no income but I also had no obligations or plans to do anything for memorial weekend. I gave it great thought and gave it some serious consideration all while considering my current circumstances. I decided that money, at the end of every god given day, isn’t everything and that memories and experiences are worth a great deal more in the grand scheme of things.
I accepted the offer that was thrown my way and I have always wanted to visit the City of Perpetual Cloud Cover so I thought “What the hell, just go!” After all, I hate the sunlight anyways!
We left Thursday night and drove for 6-ish hours and stopped to sleep for the night somewhere in BFE. We woke up the next morning and finished the last stretch of driving and arrived in Seattle mid afternoon. We dropped off our stuff at the hotel, freshened up from being cooped up like sardines and headed to the pier for our fairy cruise tour! We sat up on top of the cruise and got to see a gorgeous view of the skyline and the life and soul of the city. We got to hear about the history of the city and some of its famous buildings and sights. It of course started raining which I was fine with me because I love the rain but we continued with the tour and when it was over we made our way to eat some delicious food at “Serious Pizza”. We pounded 3 pizzas because we literally hadn’t eaten a decent solid meal since we left Utah. Mind you, we didn’t eat this pizza until nearly 7 o’clock that night. Everyone was HANGRY! After we left there we got some ice cream and went to Kerry Park for a good sight seeing session of the city. Which was gorgeous by the way.
We hit the hay hard that night after all the driving and sight seeing but we were up and at it again the next morning with our first stop at Caffe Lieto (a.k.a. Biscuit Bitch). ‘Bitch’ just so happens to be my favorite swear word and my mothers least favorite thing that constantly comes out of my mouth! 😊😘 They call all of the customers ‘Bitch’ and almost everything on their menu ends in the same. This one lady came up to ask if her order was ready while we were standing in line, the guy behind the counter yelled “Hold on Bitch” You should have seen her face! Hahahah you would have thought someone ran over her first born child and laughed while doing so, she looked so offended but we explained to her that that’s just how this place is and then pointed to all the signs and symbols proving so. She then laughed and seemed more at ease after figuring out she wasn’t being insulted.
We waited for a good while for our food but once it was ready we realized pretty quickly that there was literally no where to sit and eat it… So being inventive we just decided that the top of a conveniently unoccupied garbage bin was as good a table as anything else.
For some reason when I walk the streets of a city instead of drive on them, it makes me feel more connected to my current location. It’s as if the ground sends vibes up through my feet and straight into my imagination and makes me believe I’m native to the city and I eat it right up. As we walked, we made out way down the street to walk around in Pikes Market and see what goods they had to offer me and I stumbled across a table full of handmade leather journals. I probably acted like such a dick to the vendor but he was bugging me with all of his chitter chatter talk and I just wanted to not to be bothered while I gazed and coveted all the wonderful journals at my fingertips. I finally found one that I really loved and I was obsessed with how little and tiny it was. Anyone who knows me knows that I love journals and writing my life events down. So I figured I would buy this one and use it for when I travel! I met up with everyone else and we left to visit the famous gum wall, the Fremont troll, and back to Kerry park for some pictures 🙂 Ironically enough, Matt & Heather were making a small trip to Seattle at the same time so we met up with them after their flight landed and then made our way to Dukes.
Dukes is a great seafood restaurant and it was so delicious, my only wish that every meal I eat could be that good! After dinner that night we left and went to the Space Needle, we sat at the top for a the entire evening just watching the sunset and looking out over all the lights and the bay. It was freezing cold and because we were atop a tower it was super windy. I’m surprised I didn’t die of hypothermia but we made it through like champs (well those of us that were outside did anyway.) I could have stood up there forever just staring at the twinkling lights and life below.
We got back to the hotel and I took a bath to bring my body temperature back up to it’s normal range. As I sat in my bed after my bath, everyone was asleep and I was thinking about what I was going to title this post. I was thinking about everything we had done on the trip so far and trying to draw some inspiration from it but nothing was coming to mind. I searched through my VAST library of music and couldn’t find anything. High and low I scowered and nothing was coming, nothing was good enough, nothing seemed to fit so I shut my computer out of frustration and exhaustion but then thought to myself, “Just give it 2 more minutes and then you can go to sleep.” So I opened it back up and right before my 2 minutes was up I had quite literally struck gold. A hidden gem had come out of the woodwork that I hadn’t heard in YEARS! I turned it on and within in mere seconds of hearing it, inspiration struck me like an enormous bolt of super charged lightening, and while I was listening I was reflecting back on the entire month of May and thinking about the all the shit that’s happened to me in the last year or so and it seems that I’ve just been getting hit with one thing after the other. God only knows what shit storm is headed my way, but I’m sure I can weather it. Rewind to the night of May 17th, and I felt the exact opposite, I felt awful inside and I felt this overwhelming sense of disappointment in myself, and as I sat in the dark of my bathroom, in my journal I wrote the words:
“I am nothing, I am failure”
My shirt in all these photos says “Artist” on it. You can’t really see it, but it’s there and this last month has been particularly hard for a various set of reasons, and ironically enough I have been feeling more ‘artsy’ and creative than I ever have. I lay awake at night and I can’t even get all the ideas out of my head and into my phone fast enough until something else pops into my head. For someone like me, when pain, grief, anger, stress, and depression overtake me its initially super hard to deal with, just like it is for everyone else. I feel like hell and that it will never stop and as awful as those emotions are to experience, I’ve realized that they aren’t there up in my head to reek havoc or destroy but I have to get them a little bit of time to do their job. I’ve sat and thought about it and I’ve come to the conclusion that those emotions are doing great things for me. With chisels in hand, they actually work magic and wonders hammering away at all the ideas that lie frozen and dormant that have been waiting to be unleashed at the right time in my life when I need them most to pull me back out of the whole I feel like I have fallen so deeply into.
I remember watching an interview that Lady Gaga did a while back (yes, I know another Gaga mention, get over it, I love her and she’s amazing) but I remember the person asking her where her inspiration and creativity comes from, and all she said was this:
“I have no idea, but I’m so unbelievably grateful for it, and I’ve learned the hard way that I have to give way to it, let it come, and honor it because if I don’t… it stops!”
So that my friends is exactly is what I’m going to do, honor my creativity, let my talents and ideas take center stage. I am not going to tell you what my ideas and thoughts are, you’ll just have to wait to see and hear! All I have to do is get my fat ass out of bed, start, and get out of my own way and get going On The Road I believe I have been put on this earth to travel. I’ve been going down all the wrong paths and getting into head-on collisions on the course of each and every one and I’m just going to take them as a sign from the cosmos saying, “Wrong way you fucking idiot!” (insert heavy sigh and eye roll here)
So we’re turning around and heading in the right direction and I hope to see you all following along as I execute all the insane things that swim in my brain all day long! Stay tuned 🙂
**Wanna know something interesting?**
It took me FOREVER to come up with a name for my blog, I knew that I wanted to use my middle name but I wanted it to have a unique name and something that a little ring to it. I couldn’t think of anything cool for the longest time, and one day I was taking a nap on my bed and when I woke up, I was laying sideways, starting at a pile of clothes on my chair and I looked at this denim jacket on top of everything and the name jumped out at me and was born in that moment. That Denim jacket I’m wearing above is the very jacket I looked at that day.
This is whitney’s oscar winning time lapse video that she recorded for nearly an hour! hahah she was super trooper getting this because it was freezing and super windy!!! Cudos to you for getting the shot Whitty 🙂
Day 3 is coming!