“Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?
Twenty stitches in the hospital room
When you started cryin’, baby, I did, too
But when the sun came up, I was lookin’ at you
Remember when we couldn’t take the heat
I walked out and said, “I’m settin’ you free,”
But the monsters turned out to be just trees
And when the sun came up, you were lookin’ at me
Are we “Out Of The Woods” yet?
Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet,
OUT OF THE WOODS – TAYLOR SWIFT: 1989
Looking at it now, it all seems so simple…
If someone is hurting you, get away from them.
1 year ago, almost to the day, I remember being so lost and so broken and I remember thinkin’ “I’ll never get out of this!” But… time really does move rather quickly when you aren’t paying attention to it. It seems like only yesterday that I was thrown into the eye of the hurricane and was drowning in sorrow. Little did I know that there was more shit headed my way even after all that. It felt like, back then that I would never be able to find my way again! I had lost a lot of myself in trying to make things work with someone who was terrible for me, and to me. I built him up so much in my mind and truly believed that there was “something” there. The only thing that was ever going to be there was a constant state of pain and anguish for me; a yearning for more. Looking at it now, last December, we were built to fall apart and it took me a good while to be at peace with that. If a relationship with someone is going to work… it just will, but not by force. I still love him very much (god only knows why) and like I’ve said before, I’ll never be able to turn that off. However, over this past year I’ve come to realize that I can love him for the rest of my life and that I can do that from afar and that’s perfectly okay. I don’t need him in my everyday making my life hell.
My outlook and perception of my future was really dark and black and I used to wake up every morning, filled with dread and heaviness and I would mentally ask myself “When will this ever end? When will I stop thinking about him?” It was so exhausting at times and drained all my energy but thankfully I now have the ability to see things so clearly and I can also see the bright and vivid color my future has in store. My mind is no longer clouded with smoke and haze and I can spend time focusing on the things that are truly important. I can honestly say to myself when I wake up in the morning, and also to anyone who asks “I’m finally Out Of The Woods.” It’s been a full year and I’m in the clear. It feels so much better than I could have ever imagined. It really does feel soooooo Good! There was a great period of time where I never thought the day would come… but it did. I just had to be patient and I finally got a my first glimmer of hope and happiness out in the middle of the bay in Seattle.
I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t start on the path to peace when I did. The monsters and demons in my life at that time were always going to be there until I decided to move past them. I have a lot of people to thank for loving and helping me along the way, but none come close to the support put forth by Whitney. It was because I listened to all of her advice and accepted the help she was willingly offering. I could have easily brushed it off as a biased dislike and kept on, but I didn’t. And because of that I’m so much better off. I don’t think I could have made it through that treacherous forest without her.
Which brings me to my next post! 🙂
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