WHEN I LOOK AT YOU


When I Look At You
I see forgiveness
I see the truth
You love me for who I am

‘Cause there is no guarantee
That this life is easy
And when my world is falling apart
When there’s no light
To break up the dark
That’s when I
I look at you
When the waves are flooding the shore
And I can’t find my way home any more
That’s when I
I look at you”

SONG

When I Look At You – Miley Cyrus: The Time Of Our Lives

 



I have had the idea to write this blog post for a while, but I never felt like it was the right time to write it and I also felt like I needed it to come out at a time that was special and happened right after a major event. But that time has officially come.

I am in love with the movie “The Shack” if you haven’t seen it, go and watch it after reading this because the messages in that movie are so profound. At least they were for me, but there is a line in that movie that really struck me and it says “You want the promise of a pain free life, and it doesn’t exist.” I really loved that line and it really just hit me like a ton bricks when I heard it because it really is so true. There really is no guarantee that this life is easy but it can be a lot easier to handle when you have been blessed with a family like mine. I’m sure that everyone thinks that there family is great and all and that their’s is super special, which to you, I’m sure it is.

But you don’t have a family like mine.



I often hear about people who are brought up in broken families, my mom grew up in one, and I have cousins that experienced nothing but yelling, shouting, and living all over the place growing up because their parents weren’t together. Everyone knows people who just didn’t have the brightest of upbringings. I, on the other hand, never experienced that and I grew up in a house hold where there really was nothing but love, compassion, support, and joy. Sure there were days that weren’t as special as others and the road got rocky but I think that end of every day me and my siblings were raised in a household where we knew that there was nothing that couldn’t be solved with some simple communication and love.

I’m a very materialistic person… so let’s just be up front and honest about that. I LOVE stuff!!! I always have, I always will, and I’m not ashamed of it AT ALL! So that being said, if you were to ask me what my most prized possession would be, it wouldn’t be my phone, all my clothes, my computer, my precious music, my tv, my car, my money, or even my friends. My most prized possession is something that I was given to me by god and I don’t have a damn clue what I did in any previous existence to deserve them. I truly do not!



Ashley is the first of my sibling to add onto our family. She just got married and I couldn’t be more happy for her. It’s something that she has desired for a very long time and there were times in her life where I personally heard her say she never thought it would happen for her (a bit dramatic) but nonetheless a real feeling for her. One thing that I have come to realize is that even if you never have a friend in this world, a person to love you back at the end of the day, we all have each other and that is a lot more than some people will ever have and that is worth more than any amount of money on earth.

During the whole wedding process I kept thinking of all the major changes that are inevitably going to take place in the near future. My brother has the possibility of marriage in the near future, Ashley will at some point have a baby, Crystal will get married, I won’t will be moving away from home, and Cameron will graduate from high school and go off to one of the colleges he’s applied to. I’ve really been trying to plant the seed in my moms head about her and my dad going on a mission. I know that they would really love to do that and it would be such an amazing experience for them. I’ll keep putting some water, sunlight and fertilizer on that down the road.



I hope that my words about my own family have inspired you to become closer to your own families, whether they are your biological family, or ones you have chosen for yourselves. Know them, appreciate them, accept them and love them. For they are the only thing you get to take with you when you leave this life. You never know how long they will be with you. Take the time and opportunities you have now. God gave them to you for a reason, don’t waste that gift.

I have taken some time to jot down just a few thoughts about each on my family members to tell them how much I love them and how grateful I am for them and their presence, support, and love in my life. Bu I would just like to say to you all that even though I’m gone a lot, that I’m always with you and you with me wherever I’m at in the world. I love you all more than words could ever express. You are my rock solid foundation I know that I can always build upon when the waves of life have crashed down on top of me. You are my greatest source of joy and happiness and I know that no matter what I’m going through at the time that I can call upon each and everyone of you and you’ll be there to help me in any that you are physically able to. I would travel to the end of the universe to help each of you and would do anything in my power to make sure that you are all happy and healthy! You all know that I’m not religious, but I do pray, and I always take the time to thank god for you all and to express my deepest appreciations for you. I know that no matter where life takes all of us, I always have a home in your hearts and that is all the guarantee I really ever need in my life.

When I Look At You I realize just how much love god truly has for me because he gave me each and every single one of you.

I Love you all!



Crystal


Oh Crina belly baby, where do I even begin with you? You are my oldest and wisest sister. I don’t really think that there is an avenue I have traveled in my life that I haven’t looked to you for advice or support. I know that there are days where you feel insignificant and your value is forgettable. But I promise you that that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I think about you every single day. I wonder how you’re doing, I wonder if you’re happy and achieving all of the goals I know you have written down on the giant ass calendar at your desk. I look up to you in so many ways that you probably don’t even realize. You’re so strong and resilient and I admire that quality more than you know. You have so much love to offer and so many amazing gifts, talents, and characteristics that one day some man is going to be INCREDIBLY lucky to receive. He’ll have no idea what the hell hit him. Just be patient 🙂

I don’t know anyone who loves harder than you do. Don’t ever lose that quality or give it to anyone who doesn’t deserve it! One day soon, I’ll be able to play the piano just like you can and I can’t wait to see the smile on Moms face when we play some duet together that will make her precious little heart pound with pride. I always want you to wear sunscreen but one day you’ll listen to me. But all I really want for you to is be so unabashedly happy that others are pained with envy when they merely look at you! You deserve it even if you feel at the end of the day you don’t. Feel the fear, and do it anyways! 🙂 I love you so much!


Ashley


My sweet baby bride! I just want to start this out and say how sick with happiness I am for you at this time in your life. I know how badly you’ve wanted to be married and be a mom and have an obnoxious little family of your own. It’s all happening. You’re married!!!! You have a husband that loves every single inch of you, inside and out and will take care of you and your children into the eternities and beyond. (I’m still hoping that you have twins one day just as a side note, so there’s that). You looked so unbelievable gorgeous on your wedding day. I know that Grandma and Grandpa Wiese and Grandma Shirley were all beaming with happiness as they watched you get married. I never did tell you how nervous I was to take all your pictures for you because I didn’t want to add any stress onto you. And I wasn’t debilitate by it by any means, but I just wanted them to turn out really well and wanted them to look stunning for you. But they all turned out so incredible and You both looked so great in them. I’m also so proud of how hard you have worked independently in school. You have not just 1 but 2 bachelors degrees… and that, Sis, is so inspiring to me. I just started all my schooling and feel like I have such a long road ahead but I look to you (and Crystal) and know that there will be an end and that day will come. I’ve loved watching you these past few months really come out of your shell and exude that happiness and joyful side of yourself. I have James to thank for that, but it’s been such a beautiful thing to watch unfold before my very eyes. You deserve all the happiness and joy you feel at this time in your life. Thank you so much for believing in me enough to be such a large part of your special day. It meant the world to me (as stressful as it was at times) I would do it all over again tomorrow for you and for anyone else. I love you so much!


James


James, I know you haven’t been in the family for a very long, but I just wanted to say what a great thing it has been to have you join. We can be a little crass and obnoxious at times and be a little bit much to handle, but I just wanted to say thank you for being able to see past all that. We all love you very much and all owe you a great deal of thanks and appreciation for making Ashley so happy. I wish I could take you back a few years ago and could show you just how far she has come as a person. You have been so good to her and for her. You make her smile and fill her with a light I haven’t seen in her for a very long time. I can officially say I have a big brother now.. Thank you so much for loving her the way you do. You are perfect for her and to her! Welcome to our family, and please hurry up and start making your own because I’m beyond ready to be an uncle. I love you!


Kyle


My honey nuggle titty cakes!! One thing that I have loved so much is the closeness you and I have developed as we have gotten older. We weren’t always this way and the fighting between us used to be more frequent than anything else. I’m sorry for how much I teased you when we were little. I quit going to church at a very young and did feel a tinge of regret for that because I’m your big brother. And the last thing I wanted to do for you and Cameron was to set a bad example. But it just wasn’t for me and it brought zero happiness. But I know how much joy and peace it brings to your life and for that I could never say a bad word about it. Even though you are my younger brother I look up to you in a lot of ways. You have such a good sense of direction for you life and I admire that. It’s hard to find that and it’s even harder to find it the older you get. I admire you ability to work so hard and your lust for learning. It’s not something I naturally possess. You’re so smart and that will be such a help of you in school and you chosen career path. I can’t wait to see where life takes you because I know that without a doubt it will be amazing places. I could go off about how much I just love to hold you and annoy the devil out of you but we’ll spare the world all the boring details 🙂 I love you so much!


Cameron


Hi buddy! I just wanted to start off by telling you how handsome you are. You probably don’t even think about that kind of stuff cause you only have eyes for you golf balls, but you have grown up to be quite dashing if I do say so myself. Actually all of you guys are incredibly good looking. Anyways… You are so gifted athletically it kind of makes me sick. haha But you really are and people all over the state of Utah wouldn’t know your name if you weren’t. You have a real gift and should expound upon that as much as you possibly can. Follow through with your talents and don’t abandon them. The road to travel back to them is a harder one than you can imagne and I feel like I am living proof of that. Go to school now and work hard, because th older you get, the harder it is. Just do it when it’s easiest. Promise me you’ll do that! I can’t believe that you are going to be going off to college this time next year! I’m sure that makes mom want to die inside because if she had it her way we’d all be running around in diapers. I love you so much and want nothing but happiness and success for you and you can have all of that if you choose it. Know you are special and that all of us older siblings love you so much and we have officially welcomed you into our adult group. I love you so much!


Dad


Hi Dad! I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life. You work so hard and it’s so inspiring to me that at my age you already had a small family of your own, you’re very own business and a house of to raise that family in. I haven’t the first clue how you made all of that happen but it’s truly incredible. I want you to know that everything each and everyone one of us kids have is because of you! You gave it to us all. You gave us our lives, our work ethic, our common sense, our sense of humor, and our desire for success. We all know in our heart of hearts that no matter where we are at during our day or our lives that if we need your help that you’d be there in a flash to rescue us, give us the shirt off your back, and help us through any strife that life throws in our direction. I know that you and I haven’t always had the closest of relationships, and that is something that I would like to change and have been working towards internally. I would never in my years of life forgive myself if I didn’t try to make you a more prominent part of my everyday life. I love you so much and want nothing but health and happiness for you in your life. I will do what I can to help you get to places because I know that if I asked, you’d do the same for me. I love you so much!


Mom


Hi Momma, I’m sure that if you’ve made it this far in this post that you’re probably dehydrated with tears, so go grab yourself some water, take a break and come back to there rest of this at a time when you’ve gathered yourself back together! 🙂 hahah I don’t really know how to put into words what I feel for you. 2017 could look and feel very different if it wasn’t for you help and assistance throughout. It’s not over yet, but this last 8 months has been a lot of really hard work and I couldn’t have traveled down that road at all if it wasn’t for the gifts you gave me on my journey. I can now officially say that I have reached the desired destination and it’s been such a relief to arrive. It’s been a place you’ve longed for me to be since I was 17 and just know that you can now check off that “Mother of the Year” goal in 1 of your 8 million day planners! I love you so much and I know that every child says that they have the best mother in the world, but…….. they don’t. Just look back up through these pictures and look at what you did with the last 30+ years of your life. You raised and nurtured 5 people into adulthood who have good heads on their shoulders, we love the people we surround ourselves with, we strive to make the best choices, we love you and dad with all of our hearts, we are all headed down paths to success and happiness, we never want for a thing, and we will continue to do each of things daily because you have instilled in us a love for our family and ourselves. There is a special palace designated just for you in heaven! Know that and remember that every night before you go to sleep! I love you more than words can say and deeds could show.


You are my world, my life, my everything and without you… I am nothing!